I've come to realize that I love routine. I started my new job this last Thursday. It seems like it will be really awesome (I will be bartending and waitressing) but there are so many things that I have to learn. Not to mention a ton of new relationships I have to make, especially since a lot of people that come into the golf course/supper club are regulars.
Because of all this, I've realized how much I actually hate being in situations that are completely new. There are so many people I know that want adventure. They want to go out and see the world. Some even want to go to a place where they know no one and start completely fresh. I am not one of those people. I honestly wish I was, because I love the idea of trying new things and being adventurous. When it comes down to it, it is just not who I am.
The funny thing is that once you get to know me, I'm very outgoing and I love to have a good time. The hardest thing for me is meeting new people and getting to know them. In high school, I had a lot of friends, but so many of them were fake. Once I got to my junior year in high school, I didn't want anything to do with girls like that. I cannot stand people that talk about others behind their backs and act like they are better, prettier, or smarter. Ever since my time in high school, I can pretty much pick out what girls are like that and which girls aren't and the ones that are like that, I stay very, very far away from.
So when I'm thrown into a situation where there are new people to meet, I get nervous. I don't want to make the wrong impression and I also don't want to become "really good friends" with someone who is going to turn around and stab me in the back, which probably comes from the past experiences I've had with my supposed friends.
I don't have a million friends. I can only count my really good friends on one hand. But because of that, I can truly rely on these people. The people that are in my life are also part of the routine in my life. The bottom line is I worry way to much about too many things and when things get thrown out of the norm, I worry even more and I can feel myself becoming more insecure about my abilities.
I wish I was more comfortable with new things. That I could look at life as an adventure instead of being scared of trying new things. So that's exactly what I'm going to start doing. I'm going to take risks and instead of shying away, I'm going to take them head on and whatever happens, happens. Because life is suppose to be full of mistakes. Mistakes are what makes us who we are today, right?